


Walk Through The Fire

by DimensionTripperHomura



Series: Let It Burn [4]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 16:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11786664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionTripperHomura/pseuds/DimensionTripperHomura
Summary: Set in LIB verse. Future. Eli accidentally burns Nozomi after visiting Arisa's grave. Feeling like she's only going to hurt the people she loves, she tries to run.





	Walk Through The Fire

“Elichi?” Nozomi watched anxiously as Eli brushed out her long blonde hair, her eyes vacant as she stared at herself in the mirror. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” **  
**

Eli numbly shook her head though she didn’t turn to look at her girlfriend. “I’m fine. This is…personal. I can do it by myself.”

Nozomi bit back a grimace at the comment. She knew Eli didn’t mean it the way it sounded. “I know you can, I just don’t want you to.” She moved toward Eli, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t like the idea of you going there alone. You don’t have to.”

Eli shook her head in response. “Arisa is…” The emotionless mask she had been keeping in place disappeared for a moment, a pained look replacing it. As quickly as the mask had slipped it was forced back into place though. “Was my sister. I’m the only person who needs to go.”

Nozomi wanted to argue but deciding against it, she let her hand to slip back to her side. “At least take Honoka-chan with you. I don’t want you to be alone.” If Eli wouldn’t allow her to go she wanted her to be with someone she was equally as close to.

Eli answered with another small shake of her head, her teeth clenched. “No. Honoka can’t know. At all. If she asks where I am, I want you to tell her I’m…out on a mission with Nico or something.”

Nozomi’s brow furrowed. “She won’t believe me. You never go out on missions with Nico. Or without her.”

“Then I don’t care what you tell her, just tell her something she’ll believe!” Eli’s voice was sharp, her temper much shorter than usual today. There was a moment of silence before she felt warm arms go around her, a familiar torso coming to rest against her back.

“You’re upset.” Nozomi’s voice was a whisper, her chin resting lightly on Eli’s shoulder. “You know I can feel that much at least, even if you’re trying to block me out. I hate seeing you hurting, Elichi. Let me help.”

Eli’s hands trembled, small flames licking at the tips of her fingers as she struggled to stay composed. “I just want to be with my sister.” She whispered, pulling away from Nozomi’s embrace. “I’ll be back later.”

Nozomi clutched at her chest as she watched Eli pull her jacket on and leave. She bowed her head, trying not to think of the double meaning behind Eli’s words.

—

It was hot outside, probably far too hot for most people to walk around with a jacket on. Probably too hot for them to walk around dressed from head to foot in black too, though Eli basked in the heat. It was the cold she couldn’t tolerate.

She walked slowly to her destination, her hands shoved inside of the pockets of her jacket. She wasn’t sure whether she was in a hurry to get there or not. In some ways she wanted to be with Arisa as soon as possible but the reminder that her sister’s life had been cut short was hard to take.  

When she finally reached the small graveyard, she picked up her pace to a familiar plot. She was expecting to find it as empty as ever but there was one lone figure standing in front of one of the headstones. It wasn’t until Eli got close that she recognized the young woman.

“What are you doing here?” Eli’s voice was cold as she came to a stop a couple of feet behind the brunette.

Yukiho didn’t turn around, she just kept staring at the headstone. “She’s my best friend. Where else would I be?” She held up a small box in her hand. “I brought chocolate too, I…don’t know why. I do it every year.”

Eli stepped closer, catching a glimpse of the flowers Yukiho had placed upon Arisa’s grave. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. She could hear a slight tremor in Yukiho’s voice, indicating that she was upset too. She supposed she should at least try to be civil because the girl was Honoka’s younger sister. “Tsubaki?”

“They were her favourite. I thought you’d at least know that.” Yukiho’s voice was suddenly hard. “You didn’t pay all that much attention to her, did you?”

“ _What_?!” Eli was taken aback by the bluntness of the accusation. “What the hell are you saying? She was my  _sister_ , of course I paid attention to her!”

“You paid attention to her when you felt like it, when it was a good time for you!” Yukiho suddenly whirled around, her grip crushing the small box of chocolates she held in her hand. “God, you and Honoka are just the same, you know that?!”

Eli struggled to contain the flames she could feel beneath her skin as her anger overwhelmed her. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about?!” Yukiho echoed, taking a step forward. “I’m talking about how you went off with your new friends and practically forgot Arisa existed. You were so busy with Nozomi, Honoka and the rest of μ’s that you forgot about your own sister. Do you have any idea how many times I had to hear her say ‘I miss Eli’ because you weren’t  _there_?!”

“I WAS there!” Eli’s voice rose with her anger, her eyes glinting dangerously. “I was always there for Arisa when she needed me, nothing could have…”

“Then why the fuck is she DEAD?!” Yukiho dropped the box she held in her hand, barely noticing that some of the melted chocolate clung to her fingers. “If you were always there when she needed you, why are we standing in front of her grave right now?!”

The words hit Eli hard and for a moment she visibly deflated. “I-I tried to get there in time. I was just too late.”

“In time.” Yukiho barked out a laugh though it sounded nothing but bitter and cold. “Honoka could have changed what happened. You know she could have done something but she didn’t bother. Yet for some reason you act like she’s your best friend! You should hate her! You should hate her more than I do!”

Eli’s temper got the best of her and she went up in flames, blue fire covering her from head to foot. “Honoka is my best friend. No, she’s more than that. She’s my family. If she could have done anything she would have. She would have done anything to bring Arisa back to me!”

Yukiho’s fists clenched tightly as she stared Eli down, unfazed by her flames. “Turn around and go back to wherever the hell you came from. You let her die, you and my pathetic sister! You don’t deserve to call Arisa your sister. You and Honoka deserve each other!”

Eli could feel herself trembling with anger, the urge to punch Honoka’s bratty little sister almost overwhelming her in it’s intensity. “You have no right to talk about Honoka like that. She’s a better person than you could ever hope to be. And you don’t know shit about me and my sister. I loved Arisa more than anything!”

“I can talk about her however I want. Honoka’s a selfish bitch and…”

The thin control Eli had over herself snapped and she stormed forward, her fist rearing back before she could think about what she was doing. She didn’t feel her hand hit it’s target, fuelled by her anger. Suddenly Yukiho was on the ground, holding her cheek. It seemed she had managed to use her water ability to protect herself from Eli’s flames but hadn’t been able to do anything about the impact.

“Don’t you ever talk about her like that again!” Eli’s voice was low but the anger in her voice was clear. “She’s the leader of the rebels and you need to show some damn respect. She sacrificed everything for everyone. Even you, you ungrateful little brat.”

Yukiho’s jaw ached but that didn’t keep her from speaking up. “You stand here in front of your sister’s grave and you have the audacity to defend the person who refused to save her?”

“Get out of my sight!” Eli, still completely on fire, pointed away from herself. “I don’t want to seriously hurt you because like it or not, you’re Honoka’s sister but if you don’t shut your fucking mouth…” She trailed off but Yukiho merely lay there, looking up at her. “GO!”

Yukiho hurriedly got to her feet and stormed off, leaving Eli standing alone. As soon as the younger Kousaka was out of sight, Eli’s flames died down and she wearily dropped to her knees.

“Arisa…” She reached out, lightly brushing her fingers over the name on the headstone. “I’m sorry.” She knew that the last thing Arisa would want was for the two people closest to her to fight. She would probably force the two to make up. Eli’s eyes were suddenly awash with tears and no amount of blinking would get rid of them. She sighed, resting her forehead against granite warmed by the sun. “Happy birthday…”

—

Her argument with Yukiho was still on her mind when Eli returned to her room at the base. She barely heard Nozomi greet her when she walked in, too busy silently fuming. She took her jacket off and tossed it onto the bed. Although she’d had the satisfaction of punching Yukiho, she felt as if she’d left something unfinished, that her anger hadn’t been spent.

“Elichi?” Nozomi edged off the bed somewhat nervously. She’d felt Eli’s anger before she’d even gotten back to the base. “What’s going on?”

“Yukiho, the little fucking brat!” Eli didn’t know what to do with her anger so she settled for pacing back and forth in front of the bed. “I found her there at Arisa’s grave and she had the nerve to tell me that I didn’t deserve to call Arisa my sister, like she can say anything about loyalty, the little…” She trailed off, letting out an aggravated yell. “You should have heard her talking shit about Honoka, like she has any right to judge her. She should be thrown out of the rebels for that, I switch ear. I’m going to demand it. If Nico doesn’t throw her out I’ll do it my goddamn self!”

Nozomi wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Elichi, you know we can’t do that. It goes against everything we said when the rebels were created. We offer a place for everyone to belong, we don’t turn anyone away…”

“Not even someone who talks about Honoka like crap?!” Eli exclaimed angrily, turning toward Nozomi. “How can you even say that?! I know you love Honoka just as much as I do!”

“Of course I do.” Nozomi’s voice softened slightly in hopes that Eli would calm down. She could see her girlfriend’s skin getting redder. That was concerning in itself. Eli never got hot enough to burn herself. Nozomi hadn’t even thought it was possible. “We all love Honoka, Elichi. Any one of us would do anything for her but throwing Yukiho out isn’t the right thing to do. Honoka wouldn’t allow it anyway.”

“It just makes me so…angry!” Eli reached up and gripped her head. She could feel it pounding, as if she were feeling her blood pounding through her body. “Where does she get off talking to…about any of us like that? She doesn’t know shit…”

“Elichi…” Nozomi carefully inched forward and reached out to touch Eli’s shoulder. A hand shot out before she could, grabbing her forearm. Her eyes went wide at the sudden, unbearable heat. With a loud cry of pain she wrenched herself free from Eli’s grip and stumbled back a few steps. There was a brief second where she felt nothing but then the pain hit her again, searing and hot. She couldn’t tell where on her arm it was coming from, just that she was in so much pain she could barely stay standing.

“N-Nozomi?” Eli’s anger left her completely at the sight of Nozomi’s pain. She moved forward and reached out only for Nozomi to flinch away, a choked sob escaping her as she did so. “I…I…”

The door flew open suddenly and Maki burst into the room, followed close behind by Hanayo. They both looked out of breath, as if they’d run to the room.

Maki went straight to Nozomi, carefully taking her injured arm into her hands. “What the hell happened?!” Angry eyes turned accusingly toward Eli. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER, ELI?!”

Hanayo glanced toward Maki. “ _Calm down, Maki-chan. Eli-chan would never hurt Nozomi-chan on purpose.”_

Eli was busy staring at Nozomi through teary eyes. “I-I didn’t mean to, I…I just…”

Nozomi too, had tears streaming down her cheeks though it was mostly because of the physical pain she was feeling. “It hurts, Maki-chan.”

“Alright, alright.” Maki placed her palm on Nozomi’s forehead. “Look at me, Nozomi.” She waited until turquoise eyes met her own before she focused on her power, using it to knock Nozomi unconscious. Hanayo was there to keep her upright but Maki didn’t wait more than a few seconds before she lifted the older girl into her arms. She expected her to be heavier, she noted with a frown. It seemed like Nozomi might have lost some weight since the last time she’d looked her over. Making a mental note to check, Maki left the room without another word to Eli, Hanayo right behind her.

Eli watched them go, her anger returning once again, only this time it was anger at herself. In a fit of rage, she swiped everything off her dresser, toppling the chair in front of it too. The desk was next to be turned over, curtains being torn down and bedside tables overturned.

“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!”

She was a mess, such a mess. More than Nozomi or anyone else should have to put up with. She slumped to the floor, crying earnestly into her hands.

_“You’re out of control and you’re reckless, Eli. You’re a wreck and you’re just going to drag everyone else down with you!”_

Kotori’s words rung in Eli’s mind. She hadn’t thought it was true then but before she’d hurt Nozomi she hadn’t known what she was capable of. Now she did. Kotori was right.

—

Eli wasn’t sure how but she managed to get up from the floor, long enough to shove all of her clothes into a bag. She put everything else she would need in there too though it didn’t amount to much. Some money, some weapons, the last picture she had of Arisa. She didn’t have much in the way of material goods. When she was finished, she sat down on the edge of her bed, taking a moment to think about what she was doing. She had to leave, that much was clear to her now.

She barely heard the door open.

“Eli-senpai!” Eli heard Honoka moving toward her and quickly moved out of her friend’s reach. “Huh?”

“Stay away from me.” Eli said sharply, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“What?” Eli could practically hear the hurt in Honoka’s voice, the sound bring with it a wave of guilt. “What are you saying, Eli-senpai? It’s me. We…it’s just me.”

Eli knew exactly what Honoka meant by that. That they would shut anyone else out but they would never do the same to each other. She had never imagined doing it to Honoka, but now she didn’t have a choice.

She bowed her head, a choke escaping her unwittingly. She clenched her flaming fists at her sides. She didn’t trust them. “I know that, Honoka. I know. Just get out.”

“NO!” Honoka’s voice had risen now, desperation and anger audible in her tone. “What the fuck is this?!”

Eli turned around and clenched her jaw, tears slipping free from her eyes at the slight movement. “I’m leaving. Kotori is right, I’m reckless and I’m just going to get someone hurt. I…” She trailed off as Honoka surged forward and grabbed her collar, shoving her back against the wall behind her. It took every ounce of willpower she had to push down the instinct to go up in flames. “H-Honoka…

“What’s wrong with you?!” Honoka growled, her eyes misty with tears. “What about Nozomi-chan? What about me?”

“I’m doing this for you!” Eli insisted, her voice slightly choked because of Honoka’s grip. “You and Nozomi, you’d be better off without me…”

“I’d be dead without you!” Honoka’s sharp voice cut Eli off completely. “You think you’re not essential here?! Do you know what would happen to Nozomi if you left? What would happen to me? You’ve made yourself essential to me! You’ve given me the strength I need to live! How am I supposed to do that if you leave me?”

Eli’s hands, now flame free reached up to grip Honoka’s. “I hurt her, Honoka. I hurt Nozomi with my own hands.”

“You didn’t mean to.” Honoka spoke with conviction. She knew Eli didn’t mean it. She would never willingly hurt Nozomi.

“How do you know that?!”

“Because I know you.” Honoka slowly released Eli’s collar  and gripped one of her wrists instead, lifting it slightly. “Show me your fire.”

Eli took a shuddering breath and tentatively lit her hand up, blue flames licking at her skin. When she noticed Honoka inching her hand forward she instinctively tried to tug hers away only to be stopped by Honoka’s tight grip on her wrist.

“Honoka, stop!” She spoke urgently, her eyes wide with fear. “Don’t. Please, I couldn’t stand hurting you too. Please…” Honoka had already been hurt too much. More than anyone should be hurt. “Please, Honoka…”

Eli’s desperate pleading broke Honoka’s heart but she knew there was nothing to be done about it. “It’s fine, Eli-senpai.” Her hand trembled as she inched it closer to Eli’s. She didn’t take her eyes off Eli’s, nor did she miss the fact that they were full of tears again. “I trust you with my life.” With that said, she pressed her palm firmly against Eli’s , her fingers sliding between the other woman’s. It didn’t burn. It didn’t even feel uncomfortable. Her hand was just enveloped by warmth. “See? I-I told you.”

Eli’s lower lip trembled as she stared at their joined hands. She threw her free arm around Honoka’s neck and pulled her close. “Do you think Nozomi will hate me?”

Honoka scoffed and shook her head. “She could never hate you. Neither could I. We both love you too much for that so…don’t ever leave us, alright?”

Eli couldn’t speak so she merely nodded and tightened her grip on Honoka. They stood there for a few long minutes before Honoka pulled back. Eli was reluctant to let go but she did so anyway.

“You should go and see Nozomi-chan.” Honoka suggested softly, giving Eli’s hand a gentle squeeze. “She’ll be wondering where you are.”

Eli worried her lower lip. She wasn’t sure if Nozomi would even want to see her after what she’d done to her. She wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. “Will you come with me?”

Honoka raised an eyebrow in response. “Um…are you sure you want me to?” She couldn’t imagine that she wouldn’t be butting in on the private moment.

“I-I need someone with me, Honoka. Please?” Eli stared pleadingly at Honoka. “How many times have I been beside you when Kotori is angry, huh?”

Honoka huffed out a sigh. “She’s usually more angry with you.” She supposed Eli did make a good point though. “Alright, I’ll go with you.”

Eli breathed a sigh of relief at Honoka’s agreement. She wasn’t sure she could go and see Nozomi on her own. “Thank you.”

—-

Nozomi frowned as she picked at the edge of the bandage on her arm, trying to see beneath it. Maki had said that the burn was quite bad but she had dressed it before Nozomi had woken up so she hadn’t had a chance to see it.

She wanted to go and see Eli, more than anything, but Maki was refusing to let her move from the bed. At least for another few hours, she had said, when Nozomi had asked how long she had to stay there for. After what had happened she couldn’t imagine that Eli was doing very well. She could feel that she wasn’t, but she couldn’t focus all that much.

The door opening drew her attention toward the door and she sat up straighter as Honoka more or less dragged Eli into the room. She couldn’t help but giggle as Honoka finally had enough of Eli’s protest and hoist the taller one over her shoulder which only made Nozomi burst into laughter. The two looked ridiculous, a far cry from one of the leaders and lieutenants of the Rebels.   

“Put me down!” Eli let out an indignant huff as Honoka finally placed her down at the foot of Nozomi’s bed. “I was coming, I was just bracing myself!”

Honoka rolled her eyes. “Bracing yourself? Just go. Talk to her.” She gave Eli a little push toward Nozomi whose expression turned serious. “It’s not like she’s going to yell at you, Eli-senpai. Just do it. I’m going to see Maki-chan.”

“But Honoka…” Eli barely had time to answer before Honoka was rushing off, letting herself into Maki’s office. Through the door, Nozomi and Eli could just about hear Maki yelling about the invasion of privacy.

Eli wasn’t looking at her. She was at the foot of the bed but she was looking down at the blankets.

“Elichi.” Nozomi prompted softly, concerned by Eli’s silence. “Elichi, look at me…please?” She could feel the intensity of Eli’s guilt even with the blonde trying to block her out. “Eli!”

Eli’s gaze snapped up to Nozomi’s, her eyes wide with surprise. The small smile on Nozomi’s face let her know that she had called her that on purpose, to get her attention.

“That’s better.” Nozomi softened her tone, relieved that Eli was finally looking at her. “Elichi…” She paused, noticing Eli biting her lip as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. “Hey…”

“I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nozomi.” Eli lifted a trembling hand to wipe at her tears. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I…I would never hurt you on purpose, I’m just…I’m such a mess. I’m so angry all of the time and…today, when I saw Yukiho she just pissed me off so much with the things she was saying about me a-and about Honoka. I punched her, Nozomi. I didn’t hold back my power. And then I hurt you, of all people and…” She trailed off, a sharp sob escaping her. “Kotori’s right. I’m going to end up killing someone someday. Maybe even the people I care about.”

“I don’t believe that.” Nozomi reached out with her good arm and grabbed Eli’s hand, tugging her close to her. “I know that…what we were talking about wasn’t easy for you. I understand. I know you’d never want to hurt me. I just wish you’d open up to me more. That’s all I want.”

Eli didn’t fight against Nozomi’s tugging. “Y-You’re not afraid of me?”

Nozomi shook her head, a gentle smile on her lips. “Of course not. It’ll take more than a burn to scare me off. Come on…” She shuffled to the left, tugging Eli until the blonde willingly climbed onto the small bed with her.

Eli carefully moved close to Nozomi, lying down next to her with her head on her chest.

Nozomi lifted her hand, gently brushing her fingers through Eli’s hair to soothe her. She was sure that Eli was asleep when the blonde spoke up, her voice hushed and wary.

“I miss Arisa, Nozomi.” Eli clutched lightly at Nozomi’s shirt as her eyes filled with tears. “I miss her so much. I think about her all of the time and it just…hurts.”

Nozomi’s arms went around Eli’s back, holding her tightly. “I know, Elichi.” She pressed her lips gently to the top of Eli’s head. She could feel the emptiness Eli felt all too well. It was frightening sometimes, to know that Eli felt such pain. “I know.”

Neither of them noticed Honoka listening in from the doorway of Maki’s office, having not closed it fully. The younger girl didn’t notice either as tears slid freely down her cheeks in response to Eli’s admission. It was her fault, that she hadn’t been able to go back and save Arisa. She should have tried.

“Honoka.” Maki closed the door to her office and took Honoka’s hand, carefully drawing her into a tight embrace. “You shouldn’t be listening to that.”

“It’s my fault.” Honoka clutched at the back of Maki’s lab coat, her words choked with emotion. “I should have…”

Maki shook her head. “You couldn’t have. You know that. Eli knows that. You couldn’t have done anything.”

She knew that Honoka wouldn’t believe her. She never did.


End file.
